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Canadian Poncho Homepage -> Canadian Poncho -> The Lounge -> The "Joke of the Day" thread
Post Info TOPIC: The "Joke of the Day" thread
MikeR667


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RE: The "Joke of the Day" thread
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Mike (former member- mike667)
4SPEED427


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This is know as "a close call".

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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
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Greaser


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DIY Automobile Air Conditioning

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ABC123


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My neighbor got tired of cutting her own grass with her old lawn mower so she bought her husband a new one.

Now he's out there all the time showing off his mastery of the amazing athletic ability of the all hydraulic zero turn radius.

Smart woman !

Twelve years ago, I posted this on Facebook.

He's still out there doing circles. biggrin



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67Poncho


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Vincent Jr.
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For those old enough to remember Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares, here's a sample of his wit. Some of the funniest one liners ever.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peter Marshall: "Eddie Fisher recently said, 'I am sorry. I am sorry for them both.' Who was he referring to?"
Paul Lynde: "His fans."
Marshall: "According to Tony Randall, 'Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been...' what?"
Lynde: "Bitterly disappointed."
Marshall: "Paul, how many fingers in the girl scout salute?"
Lynde: "Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies."
Marshall: "Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?"
Lynde: "No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing."
Marshall: "Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell 'Man overboard!' What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?"
Lynde: "Full speed ahead!"
Marshall: "What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?"
Lynde: "They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies."
Marshall: "Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?"
Lynde: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."
Marshall: "According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?"
Lynde: "11."
Marshall: "What's the one thing you should never do in bed?"
Lynde: "Point and laugh!"
Marshall: "In 'The Wizard Of Oz', the Tin Man wanted a heart, and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want?"
Lynde: "He wanted the Tin Man to notice him."
Marshall: "In the Shakespearean play 'King Lear,' King Lear had three of them - Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they?"
Lynde: "King Lear had Goneril?"
Marshall: "Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?"
Lynde: "No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing."
Marshall: "Paul, everyone knows the first verse: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / Early in the morning? But what is the first line of the next verse?"
Lynde : [singing] "Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Early in the morning." [audience laughs] "How disgusting... that poor sailor!"
Marshall: "True or false, Paul Revere had 16 children?"
Lynde: "From ONE midnight ride?"
Marshall: "Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn't be able to do my job. What was it?"
Lynde: "Let's see... toupees? Facelifts? Contact lenses?"
Marshall: "Now cut that out!"
Lynde: "Makeup? Capped teeth? Loud sports jackets?" (IMDb)


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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
Canadian Poncho


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Hollywood Squares was a staple at my grandparents house when I was a kid. Thanks for the memories!

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DonSSDD


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My daughter sent me this, I told her I had several and am in rehab. I just finished rehabbing my friends Miata. Resized_Screenshot_20240530_065135_Facebook.jpeg



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63 Parisienne sport coupe (The Big GTO), black, maroon interior, 409 4 speed; former owner of a 59 El Camino, 63 Corvette SWC, 62 Chev Bel Air SC.
1963- Pontiac top selling car in Canada

Mahone Bay, NS Still not old enough to need an automatic
4SPEED427


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So many times we heard something like this when I was working at the dealership!

t1.jpg



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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
4SPEED427


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Whatever you do, DO NOT hire this construction crew.
They quoted me $800 to prep and form this driveway to be widened.
They have been working for 3 months and are just moving dirt from one pile to another.
The supervisor has not been helpful and keeps telling me to get away from the equipment. I told him I would be contacting a lawyer and he said he doesnt care because he is really Spider-Man.
I definitely recommend avoiding this contractor and finding a reputable one that is at least over 5 years old.
 
Crew.jpg
 
 


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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
ABC123


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Sign on Kevin's front lawn biggrin

Screenshot 2024-06-11 114826.jpg



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4SPEED427


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LOL, the top poster is not the only one who needs to learn how to spell.

t2.jpg



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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
Nov 18 to Dec 2 Black Friday UP TO 50% OFF Plus Huge Coupons
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67Poncho


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I remember when I was doing my schooling in Gander, Newfoundland. At the GM store there, there was a sign above the parts department, stating something to the effect of, the Partsman Prayer? The last phrase was, the make model and year.

This photo jogged that memory lol

IMG_0502.jpeg



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Vincent Jr.
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At the last dealership I worked at all day I'd hear this from the parts guys "What's the last 8 of your VIN sir?"


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Canadian Poncho


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67Poncho


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Canadian Poncho wrote:

At the last dealership I worked at all day I'd hear this from the parts guys "What's the last 8 of your VIN sir?"

 Found it

 

THE PARTS MAN PRAYER

 

I work behind the counter

 

In an autoparts store

 

Sometimes I'm called a genius

 

Sometimes I'm called much more.

 

I say I'm no mechanic

 

But when their job goes sick

 

Everyone comes in and asks me

 

What makes the damn thing tick.

 

I'm supposed to know the number

 

Of nuts and bolts and gears

 

For every machine ever made

 

For more than a hundred years.

 

I'm supposed to have the answer

 

For everything unknown

 

To every Tom, Dick, and Harry

 

For all their questions thrown.

 

My life would be a pleasure

 

And I'd grin from ear to ear

 

If only they would tell me

 

Their Model, Make, Year !



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Vincent Jr.
4SPEED427


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A-men!

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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
Nov 18 to Dec 2 Black Friday UP TO 50% OFF Plus Huge Coupons
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bjburnout


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Beat Fails on Wheel

 



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......big block, 4 speed, bench seat, it doesn't get much better

 happy motoring :burnout
67Poncho


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I may be out driving for a month by the time all of my old girls are empty. I might be smelling by that time! Hahaha

IMG_4782.jpeg



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Vincent Jr.
DonSSDD


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Is this a joke?

 

Resized_Screenshot_20240620-212616_Facebook.jpeg



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63 Parisienne sport coupe (The Big GTO), black, maroon interior, 409 4 speed; former owner of a 59 El Camino, 63 Corvette SWC, 62 Chev Bel Air SC.
1963- Pontiac top selling car in Canada

Mahone Bay, NS Still not old enough to need an automatic
Canadian Poncho


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joke.jpg



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Todd
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67Poncho


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Vincent Jr.
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4SPEED427


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t6.jpg



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1966 Strato Chief 2 door, 427 4 speed, 45,000 original miles 

1966 Grande Parisienne, 396 1 of 23 factory air cars (now converted to a "factory" 4 speed)
bjburnout


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This older Irish gentlemen Liam, meets with his golf buddies a few times a week.

Sometimes, he brings left handed golf clubs and sometimes right handed golf clubs.

When done and making arrangements for another outing, he always says that he might be 1/2 hour late.

So, this goes on for a while and then one of the buddies ask a few questions. He wants to know how Liam decides which set of golf clubs to bring that day??

He replies, that's easy. When I get up in the morning, if my wife is laying on her right side, then it the right set of clubs. If on her left side, it's the left set of clubs.

And if she's laying on her back, I'll be 1/2 hour late.



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......big block, 4 speed, bench seat, it doesn't get much better

 happy motoring :burnout
Lefty


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The Professors.

A professor was walking along a very narrow hall and came face to face with a rival. The passageway was too narrow for two to pass. The rival pulling himself up to his full height said with a sneer, I never make way for Fools! Smiling, the gracious professor stepped aside and replied,I always do!

The Masters.

Every year an amazing story or two comes out about The Masters Tournament!!

A man had two of the best tickets for The Masters.

As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife always would come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else? A friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."



Court Stenographers:



These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you serious?
__________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
__________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
__________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
___________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
__________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
__________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


Speeding Ticket......





A man is speeding down a country road when he notices red lights flashing behind him in his rearview mirror

So, he pulls over to the side of the road and rolls down his window.

An officer approaches his car and asks him, Sir, do you realize how fast you were going?

The man replies, Yes, Im really sorry about that officer, but I have to go.

The officer interrupts him, Not so fast. Youre coming with me

The officer takes the man to jail and tells him, Youre going to have to wait for the chief to get back in a few hours.

After a few hours have passed, the officer tells the man, Well, youre lucky

The chief is on his way back from his daughters wedding, so hell be in a good mood.

The man replies, I doubt it.

The cop snaps back, Why do you say that?

The man replies

Im the groom!

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1963 Acadian Beaumont Sport Deluxe
http://www.63acadian.com/
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